I realized that because life moved so fast and I was churning amidst many life changes (and much grief), I never got to share the content of my studies from the Thanatology master's degree, which I wrapped up in May of last year. It felt like the right time to share this recent academic work, since it is an extension of the book I am writing for Grandma.
Why I am now sharing this work:
I started to feel that if I shared this very heart rending work, people who are following the journey of me creating my book would be able to better understand the journey and the content of my inner heart as I write a book about Grandma. Throughout the Thanatology studies I was moved and moved and moved emotionally and spiritually beyond the boundaries of where I thought I could go. Thanatology is the study of death and dying and I read so many touching personal stories of loss and grief and I learned so many practical things about the pathological process of dying that I thought I would fall to pieces.
After having begun studying in the Thanatology degree program, I realized that if I didn't form my own ways of coping with the constant reminder that death is imminent, guaranteed and that all things will end, I would struggle immensely. I found many ways to cope with this information through the use of expressive and therapeutic arts and of course through my own transforming sense of spirituality. I found that as I was anticipating losses in my life, which I knew were going to rock my very foundation, that I needed to find ways to walk through the journey. I chose to try many things including using intuitive drawing and painting techniques, walking through labyrinths at local churches and parks, writing poems and journal entries that contained both images and writing (which is called visual journaling), I even tried a vision walk, which was modeled after the spiritual coming of age work of Native American people.
The research method I used:
The research method I used throughout the process of completing my capstone for the Thanatology degree was called a/r/tography. This very loose and intuitive research method basically involved trying different ways of making art in order to express oneself then documenting the process and reflecting on the product. The idea was to learn something about the way each method works, the value of each method and the benefits and challenges involved in each process. At the end of the research process one is perhaps better equipped to teach the art making methods to others because they have stepped through the process themselves directly and have some personal insights to share with people who are starting the process for the first time. It is a process of first actively creating while actively reflecting on process and then reflecting on the outcome. Finally the idea is to open oneself up to sharing and teaching the process in the end.
Because my research involved finding ways to cope with anticipatory grief and traditional grief using various art methods and then teaching others how it works, I got very immersed in the process. I made much art using intuitive drawing, painting, poetry writing, visual journal entries, labyrinth walks etc. When I was all finished I still felt I had to find a way to share what I encountered in some way that would speak to people. So, I took all of the art and writings and I made videos combining them. I used a text reader to read my poetry and journal entries while the images were shown in the background of the videos.
I hope that in sharing these videos I created during those master degree studies, you will come to see that I have a sense of the work I performed to obtain my degree. I hope it also provides you with insights into who I am as an expressive artist, nature lover, author and as a human being.
A quick warning, these videos can be triggering:
I want you to know before I begin, that this is very intimate sharing and it can be triggering and emotionally moving. Because this was personalized grief work, I was trying to pour forth my heart very purely and with great abandon during this process.
Grandma video:
Here I shared the favorite memories I held of my Grandma and the artwork and writings I shaped into a video as she declined in health and vitality. She died after I completed my Thanatology degree so this work only pertained to me anticipating her loss. This video is very emotive and moving.
Our dear cat Piglet:
Because Piglet was my cat for 15 years and my dear companion through many life struggles, this video contains narrative and imagery I created during his health decline and his passing. It is very heart-rending. I really poured my heart out over his passing. I was very close to my little Piglet kitty as I think this video illustrates...
My boyfriend's dear Dad:
Because my boyfriend's dad died very quickly and with little warning, much of my thoughts images and feelings were wrapped up in the moment to moment medical issues that kept arising and how shocking it was for all of us to move through that roller coaster. That is what this video contains--snippets of that journey and how we attempted to cope.
At the time, my boyfriend and I were still shell shocked at the time over the loss of our cat 'Piglet' and honestly we were sort of in a daze. I wish I would have poured more heartfelt messages in this one, but I captured the true moments that I documented of his loss. I think that Grandma's book is opening the door for me to do more reflecting and sharing of the love I have felt for others who I have lost along the way. He died a little over two years ago and it is still a fresh wound.
Visual journaling through grief:
As I said earlier, visual journaling is the process of creating personal diaries or journals that also contain imagery along with the words or text. The idea is that we are sometimes better able to articulate our feelings and thoughts through either writing or drawing. Therefore, when we allow ourselves to have access to using both when journaling, then we can free to use both sides of our creative selves. Sometimes when there are no words that can capture what is going on inside and vice versa. This video is poetic and the narrative reads the content of the text on each image as I experienced and moved through grief.
Native American 'Vision Walk' as a way of moving through grief:
I learned about the process of 'Vision Walks' from an author named Brandt Morgan who gave me permission to use the work of his vision walk in any way that I thought might benefit others. Vision walks are similar to vision quests that Native American people move through when they are coming of age and coming to know who they are and their place in their tribe.
I believe that this is a way of getting to know how we connect to spirit, or God or the Universe or whatever higher power that each person believes in individually. It is an act of opening up one's heart, asking a question of that higher power and then letting the answers appear by moving intuitively and letting our lived experiences guide our understanding.
It is a bit like prayer where we ask of our higher power and then let our hearts guide the way to the answer.
'Eco-Art' activities to move through grief:
Eco-art is short for 'Ecopsychology Art'. Ecopsychology is the study of trying to find ways for humans to regain a loving and intimate connection to the earth and to see that we are connected to the organic parts of life in sometimes very special ways. The belief behind Ecopsychology is that when we come to interact with nature in positive ways that take into consideration how our actions impact nature we start to feel less alone and more connected to other forms of life. Bonds are created.
Eco-art also encourages people to create art by using one's senses and incorporating them into the intuitive art making process. Sometimes nature can teach us things if we settle in and contemplate on the wisdom of a tree or the courage of a migratory bird for example, even if what we learn is metaphorical! I share here my reflections after trying an eco-art activity crated by an Ecopsychologist, the late 'Theresa Sweeney, PhD' who created a whole book of Eco-art activities. Here is a link to her book on Amazon.
Walking through an outdoor labyrinth while moving through grief:
Labyrinths are meandering paths that lead to a central space. These paths are sometimes mowed into the lawns of parks or inlaid into the floors of chapels and basilicas. Labyrinth walks serve multiple purposes. People can walk through them and just introspect or pray about their lives or they can ask a specific question and walk around the space seeking the answer as they walk and contemplate. Oftentimes this is a prayerful journey and it is said by some that in the center you are in a 'sacred space'. In this video, I share the reflections I had after the process of walking through an outdoor labyrinth. The narrative is a bit poetic.
Thank you!
Thank you so much for reading and viewing the videos. It honors me deeply! <3
I also have a paper document of the research I performed for this capstone, if anyone wants to know more of the background of the a/r/tography method or the other expressive art and spiritual methods listed here, please connect with me or respond below.
I love comments as it helps me to understand what people liked, what people didn't like etc. Please connect and share! :) <3
Also, if you want to help me along the journey of creating the book of memories I am writing for my Grandma Mary who recently passed away, please check out and share this link:
https://www.gofundme.com/abookforgrandmamary
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